I Understand

I understand how people die by suicide.

Why people choose to end it all and leave it all behind.

You see when you’re physically present you’re forced to confront the many responsibilities you somehow managed to take on in life, and the truth is, while you’re drowning, the world doesn’t stop to wait for you.

People are indeed fighting battles no one knows about, but how many people actually care?

No one wants you to be doing bad or feeling bad, but the reality is that people can’t place their lives on pause to attend to yours.

And no…

This is not a cry for help, but sometimes I can’t help to think that the grace we fail to extend to other human beings at the times when they need it the most could be what saves them from their falling.

And this is also not an attempt to ever blame others for those deaths.

Part of understanding means that I’ve come to realize that even those closest to us could never see what’s coming or the pain felt on the inside.

“May this day bring you rest and peace .” The words Miss USA 2019 Cheslie Kryst left us with on an Instagram post that has replayed in my mind over and over again. I understand her. In many ways, I am her.

Some will say she had everything going for her, which is even worse. If she took the steps to get “help” it would be plastered everywhere and ultimately used against her because that’s how the world works.

People care when it’s too late.

For a long time, the only peace I experienced was in my sleep. Temporary and Short-term.

You wake up, and you’re drowning in the middle of everyone, yet no one can see you dying.

Every day is hard, and every day I choose to wake up and fight.

But what happens when the fight is no longer enough?

 

DISCLAIMER: This is a creative/exploratory writing piece. The content(s) of this blog post do not necessarily reflect my current state of thinking.

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