In a few months, I will walk across a stage and get my first degree, but you won’t be there to witness it.
In a few years, I’ll purchase a home, and you won’t know where I live, let alone be able to help me decorate.
In a few years, I’ll have a man that I could bring home but won’t have a home to bring him into.
In a few years, I will be getting married and you won’t be the man walking me down the aisle to my future husband, let alone be there to warm up a seat.
In a few years, I’ll have kids who won’t know who you are, let alone who you’ll be able to call your grandchildren.
I remember the days where I longed for your approval and attention & also the days I stopped seeking your approval. The days I realized that the hatred towards me was bigger than my accomplishments could ever make up for. The days I became mentally free.
The hurt, silent suffering, and belittling done in the dark over the years are finally coming to light.
You will watch me from a distance and only hear about how I’m doing from my siblings, or family members serving as reporters who haven’t been blocked yet on social media.
You will wish that you took the steps I wanted to a long time ago to understand our differences and do better at providing for me emotionally.
You were supposed to teach me how to fend for myself in this world, but instead, I taught myself.
You were supposed to hold me while I cried, but instead, you scolded and taught me to let my tears fall in private.
You were supposed to show me what the meaning of true love is but instead showed me the opposite.
Always choosing to see the bad in me before the good. Always using my accomplishments as a pawn among your associates in public, but silent about them in private. The nights spent misdirecting y'alls anger at me when really y'all are unhappy with each other.
They say home is where one's confidence starts, but frankly, I think mine came from getting praise from strangers. I never expected praises to come from you two.
So I give up. I hope the pride and stubbornness are worth not having a relationship with your first “creation”.
I give up. When you realize all your wrongdoings and hurt you have caused me, I won’t be around to accept your apology or make you feel better.
For one day I will leave and never look back.
God knows I have tried and for that I am grateful. Can’t no one say I didn’t try, but even the toughest people break sometimes and while y’all haven’t broken me, I am tired beyond belief and have no more fight in me.
Do with this letter as you please.
All I can do now is continue making peace with the situation so I can not repeat the same mistakes I grew up watching.
I have to be better, do better.
To you, it’s Sincerely,
To everyone else Love Always,