We are back with another "Ask Me" entry, which I love that you guys are participating in!
A reader asked: "Can you speak about being celibate in college"
...and wow lol! I never really thought about this. It's not like I woke up every day and made the decision not to have sex in college, I just did it.
I thought about it a lot, but honestly, sex scares me. Just the idea of someone having that power and soul tie over me is enough for me not to do it until I'm 100% sure that I'm ready.
I never let men pressure me into doing it, and if they have the problem with that then the door out of my life is never too far away.
It's also very different for me. I can't really abstain from a practice I've never experienced. I know for those who have had sex before, it's probably hard to keep the streak. As for me, how do I know what I'm missing out on you know? It's not challenging, I just continue doing what I have been since I was born lol.
Communicate your celibacy if you want to
If you find yourself in a situation where sex becomes the topic of discussion, let that person know what's up. Or maybe you don't want to give an explanation, which is totally fine. The beautiful thing about life is that it's up to you!
In my experience, guys usually aren't fans of waiting until I'm ready, which is fine because that's their decision. However, I can't see myself ever opening up my legs just to keep someone around. I once asked someone how she keeps a long-distance relationship going and she responded: "It's definitely not sex, I can tell you that." & I felt that.
I know the man for me won't have a problem waiting until I'm ready, and that's beautiful.
Do Not Disturb Hours
Baby, I know what it's like to be in your dorm room all alone with them low lights reflecting a certain mood into the atmosphere. Don't fall for it! Matter of fact, get up and shut them things off lol.
I've been there. Wanting a little cuddle buddy to come over at night. BUT it's a game you're playing with yourself and that buddy. In my case, I've never had an issue with feeling pressured enough to give in, but I would say avoid these situations and communication at these times.
If you know you can't resist, don't put yourself in that situation to fail at your goal of being celibate.
Knowing What You Want
At the end of the day, this is the most important thing. I know that I want to be in a serious relationship before having sex. That's my personal standard. What's yours? Are you okay with having flings? Are you just trying to abstain from sex for a certain amount of time for spiritual clarity?
Whatever it is. Remember it when the goings get rough. There's a reason why you want to go on this celibacy journey or have been on it. Honor it and do it for yourself and even if you don't end up being celibate it's okay! You are still worthy and deserve to be treated in the best way possible.