Would you believe me if I told you that I spent every night of my first week in college crying in bed?
What if I said that college is honestly nothing like I thought it would be.
Not even in a bad way, but I had high expectations that weren't met.
If I said that there was a long period of time where I wanted to switch schools?
I had a really tough first year and a rough time adjusting, but no one really saw that.
I refused to let anyone see that.
I mean damn how would it look if the girl from little ole Fort Myers who was so anxious to leave finally did and now she's having the worst time.
People really do wish for your failure which is why most only post the good.
For most people their struggle is academic, while mine was more personal and social.
My entire life I've been waiting for college and I have to say... the wait wasn't worth it at all.
"When I get to college I'm gonna have freedom."
"When I get to college I'm going to find that friend group I've always wanted my entire life."
"When I get to college I'll be happier."
No matter how many people I met, organizations I joined, positions I seeked .. everything still felt the same as that first week sometimes.
The wait wasn't worth it because I thought going to college was going to change my entire life and make my problems disappear when really it just brought them to light and showed me that the change I was looking for started within myself.
There's this part of me that never wants to talk about the lows of being here because of the standard I have to set for those back home.
I definitely dont want to discourage anyone from pursuing college either because the highs are everything.
Here I am, sitting on my bed a week after moving out of my dorm just reflecting.
My first year of college was absolutely amazing and I didn't even realize how great it was until it was over.
When I do talk about the bad, people have a way of ignoring the good.
One thing I did for sure this year and did well was learn.
I learned about myself and where I want to be in life.
I learned that I dont care about most things that other people my age tend to care about.
I learned how to take losses as lessons and move on.
I learned that it's okay if everyone doesn't see my personality because not everyone deserves to know me.
I learned the difference between judgment and discernment.
I learned the importance of confidence.
Most importantly, I learned that nothing matters, but we’re already here so we might as well make the best of the life that was given to us and take the highs and lows as they come.