The Ask Christina series is live and in action with another entry this week!
"How do you feel about love and relationships? Are you currently dating?"
I knew it was only a matter of time before I was faced with this question so here it goes:
My experience with dating has been interesting, to say the least. Growing up in a predominately white city meant not thinking anyone was ever attracted to me up until the end of high school. The white boys were either taught not to like girls that looked like me or were too scared to approach black girls on a romantic level. The black boys never even blinked an eye towards my direction. Instead, pursuing every other race but their own. This caused me to never care about dating because I figured it would never happen to me.
Going to an HBCU was the first time ever I saw black men actively pursuing black women and it was a shock. Keep in mind seeing black couples where I come from (unless they immigrated to this country) was rare as hell. Guys were actually approaching me and it was all new to me.
BOYS LEARNING TO BE MEN AT 20
Most guys my age (20) that I've come across are childish as hell. Don't know how to communicate, only want sex, but don't know how to communicate that, still call women "bitches" and "hoes" when they choose to sexually explore their bodies. The list goes on.
I would speak to a few guys through high school here and there, but nothing ever serious came out of it. Just a whole lot of situationships and wasted time and breath.
There were instances where I allowed guys to have access to me emotionally when they should have never had that opportunity. I would try to hold on to their presence even though they contributed absolutely nothing to my life and wellbeing. It's not that I had feelings for them, but just never wanted to go through having to find someone else all over again. I really just wanted the companionship. Like I said, a waste of time.
My therapist even told me that I should try speaking to older guys because my mind is on a different level, which I can't argue with.
From those times in my early teenage years, I learned that soul ties are real and they can be scary.
If I had to be picky, I would love someone to cuddle with here and there lol, but whatever happens, happens. I never shut out possibilities and potential. I could be single today and taken tomorrow. Life is a crazy thing.
DATING IN GHANA
Everyone knows how much I loved my study abroad experience in Ghana. A large part of that is because for the first time in my life I got a good look at what it was like to date, and I loved it. The men in this country were B O L D. I mean as soon as I landed at the airport I had men asking for my number. They were so sweet and confident. (No, I am not blind to the fact that being American played a role in this, and they are known to be sweet talkers). Different men, different personalities, but all amazing and knew how to treat women. That experience showed me everything I want in a relationship.
I want kindness, great communication, accountability, self-awareness, humor, style, genuine, and patient. I want someone who enhances my features and characteristics, not tries to change them. Also, given my experience with mental health, it's important that I find someone who understands that. I've had instances where it's not understood and it just leads to more trouble than it's worth.
In the U.S, men won't approach you at all or are a bit disrespectful when trying to get your number/attention. There is also this "thing" with men not wanting to be tied down to a relationship and it's this whole big deal that I don't even have the energy to go into.
I love love. I love seeing it, reading about it, etc. But I haven't had the best examples of it in my family so I'm learning on my own.
Right now, I am not dating. I am not talking to anyone. I don't have a boo thing, boyfriend, none of that! "Single tankou Pringles" is my favorite line to my best friend.
I'm working on myself a lot. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Working on falling in love with myself even more. Someone once told me "How can others love you if you don't love yourself?" and it's stuck with me ever since.
If I had to be picky, I would love someone to cuddle with here and there lol, but whatever happens happens. I never shut out possibilities and potential. I could be single today and taken tomorrow. Life is a crazy thing.