Updated: Dec 11, 2018
It's funny because I am actually writing most of this at graduation rehearsal, although I know that it won’t come out until way after since I am still trying to compile my thoughts.
Let me take you into my experience.
There's a lot of bad that happened to me these last 4 years, but also a lot of good. I find myself holding back on sharing the bad in this entry, but that's the openness & transparency that I am working on. It will all come out soon enough though.. I promise.
For now, sit back & relax, as this is going to be a long one.
Freshman year was absolutely amazing. I was filled with positive energy and my spirits were at an all-time high. I had a great group of friends who did nothing but make me laugh, and my biggest worry was getting good grades and watching my GPA rise. I had not a care in the world, for as far as I was concerned, the world was mine.
I remember running for Class Secretary twice. I was running around the school with my big posters, making my campaign vocal on social media, and handing out candy and treats to everyone in my class. I won both times. My confidence was at an all-time high, I was doing everything I wanted to do, & I was genuinely happy.
BUT by the end of the year, I decided that I wanted to go to a school that was more diverse. I wanted to go to a school where I felt like I would be able to reach more people through clubs & activities. In addition to that, the school I was at was really far from my home and I wasn’t driving around that time, so every time there was a meeting I had to attend for an extracurricular (which was all the time) I wouldn’t get home until 8 pm because I was taking the activity bus home.
Although I had a great year with my friends, it was really hard for me to relate to a lot of my privileged classmates. Like I said, I wanted diversity and to go to a school where I didn’t feel so out of place in the mist of all the preppy-ness.
I now know that it doesn't matter as long as you're shining in your own way, but that is what I didn't know 4 years ago.
So I made the transfer to what I thought would be the more diverse, inclusive school.
The summer before my sophomore year I was talking to some friends I knew from middle school that would be at my new school. We reconnected because of the fact that I would now be attending the same school as them. With that being said, I THOUGHT that I was going to the school already knowing a good amount of people.
Before I knew it, the first day at my new school was here. I had a lot of fun throughout the first few weeks. It was exactly what I pictured it to be and more. Everyone was pretty nice, I had great teachers and classes, and I even tried out for the cheer team and made Junior Varsity, in an attempt to meet more people and make new friends.
So I guess Sophomore year, in general, was fine. Everything was new to me, so I didn’t really have any issues.
What I didn't know is that those "friends" from the past would be the ones I had to watch out for, and would eventually make things rough.
The end of my sophomore year is kind of when the positive energy shifted for the worse. I found myself getting into petty arguments on social media in instances where I could’ve honestly just not responded back, or held my tongue altogether in the first place. I noticed that the environment of the school was just starting to get really negative and dull.
By the end of my sophomore year, I was still okay, but starting to be very burnt out mentally. I eventually parted ways with those people I used to call "friends". If I wasn't feeling their attitudes or energy, I distanced myself. Unfortunately, instead of going our separate ways, these people would go on to cause many issues for me at this school. I was getting tired of school, but the fact that I thought I wouldn’t have to be on campus at all the following year is literally what kept me going.
I was planning to be full-time dual enrolled my junior year, so regardless of the amount of arguments I was having and discomfort, in the back of my mind I just keep telling myself that I wouldn’t even be at school next year and it was all temporary, so just get through it now.
I remember being so frustrated because I kept getting the run around from the administration for the dual enrollment program. Dual enrollment is an opportunity to earn free college credits at your local college while still being in high school. I wanted to do the program full time since sophomore year so that I didn’t have to go to the high school. For me, it was supposed to be my personal escape from that establishment in general.
You can only imagine the look on my face and how mad I was when I was told on THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL that I wouldn’t be able to do full-time DE. I didn’t understand why this couldn’t have been said to me you know? MONTHS BEFORE, but it was out of my control at that point. I would have to attend this high school for an entire year AGAIN.
I honestly could not see myself going through a full year at that school again and did not know how I would last. Lucky for me, summer was near and I had 3 months to forget about the drama.
Fast forward to August of my Junior year...
This was the year all hell broke loose for me.