The girl who has everything together, the preacher's kid, the President of the youth group, the volunteer, and more. All things I was once known as -- well still known as, for some. When I found myself having an identity crisis last year it forced me to get down to the root of who I was. Who is Christina Jane Presmy?
There came a point where I realized that all of my major accomplishments in life were all tied back to school in some way, shape, or form. Yes, I have taken charge and lead groups of people before, but for a SCHOOL organization. Yes, I went to Ghana but for STUDY ABROAD. Yes, I got all this free money, but they were all in the form of SCHOLASTIC SCHOLARSHIPS. Catching my drift here?
I felt like I was so much more, yet I couldn't pin point what about me made me, me. All of the things I've done so far are great, but having them all be tied back to school was a big issue for me. I began associating my self worth with grades and positions that I got in college. In short, my resume was literally dictating my confidence.
So I quit all of my organizations at school and started from scratch.
Throughout this process I've realized that I actually hate school. The only reason why I thought I liked it is because I'm good at it. I'm good at playing the system without feeding into it, but I don't feel like playing along anymore. The only reason why I joined certain organizations in college are because they looked good, which I've never done prior. That's not me.
This isn't all about school even though college is the reason for my identity crisis. You see in college there are thousands of the "you" you thought you were. Thousands of kids with high GPAS, are involved, etc. So you begin to question and doubt yourself. When you get on Instagram and you see another person with another internship and you have none, that makes you feel like you're behind and "what am I doing with my life?"
I'm practicing how to be a free thinker. Educate myself on a topic, gather the facts and details then decide what makes sense to me and what I agree with. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO RELIGION. I've been told so many things growing up, but I never stopped and asked myself what I believe. Just because Christianity is practiced by my family, doesn't mean I have to, but we'll talk about that.
I love watching re-runs of The Real on Youtube. I used to scroll through the comments before even watching the videos which would alter my opinions. I started watching the videos, writing down and processing my opinion on the issue at hand, then looking at the comments and even if I had the unpopular opinion it allowed me to become more in tune with my free thinking.
Who am I? I'm still figuring that part out, but I know my grades, academic involvement, and career path don't define me.