Updated: Mar 11, 2019
I watched a sermon by Sarah Jakes Roberts.
She said “For me church taught me how to pretend.
Cause I didn’t really fit, and I didn’t really understand why so many people had so much joy and then could go into life.
Like how do you deal with life and have this joy?
It didn’t really make sense to me because I had all of these questions and all of these confusions in my head. I didn’t wanna shout about it, I wanted to talk about it. Like, how did you get there?
We do an incredible job of talking about where we are now, but nobody tells us how we got there.
I’d pretend in church on Sunday, then try to figure things out on my own Monday - Saturday.
I just wanted to get my mask together, so that I could go to church & look like everyone else.”
And that is exactly why I stopped going to church.
I went a little over a year without going.
I got tired of pretending.
Pretending I was happy, pretending I was okay with being judged for asking questions no one wanted to talk about, let alone answer, & pretending that everything was okay as long as I was in a building praising the Lord.
That’s the problem.
How is it that the place I’m supposed to be the realest at is the one I feel the fakest?
I’ve realized that I have a very hard time going to church & a lot of faith-based groups because it’s all “fluff” to me.
I'm tired of hearing the typical "trust God" or "pray about it" line EVERYTIME I talk about my issues.
Truth is, there's also no place I feel more judged at than church.
I've never believed I had to go to church in order to have a healthy relationship with him, in fact, I find that my relationship with God is at an all-time high when it's just him and I, no outside noise.
Despite all of this, I officially went back to church last Sunday...a new church... and loved it. ♥
Will I stay?
Only time will tell.